|
||
|
 DATING - When men play hard to get I was starting to write an article called "Why must women play hard to get?" (not ready yet) and as usual, used the net to do some research on the views of other women. Since I don't play hard to get myself, I wanted to know why other women did it. But instead of finding a guide for women, I found these: Guides for men on how to play hard to get!!! To be honest I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, because 99% of the "rules" about how to keep a woman's interest, were ones that would totally turn me off and drive me away. So for all you poor sods out there who have tried these tricks on your dreamgirls and were left wondering what the hell went wrong - my point of view may give some insight. Then again I guess these rules must work on some women, but then you really have to stop and consider what kind of woman would fall for such tactics and more importantly, what kind of relationship it is you are looking for. I mean, cat & mouse games may be enjoyable for those looking for quick passionate affairs but I could hardly assume these instructions would work for building a long term relationship. But perhaps "players" don't even want those anyhow. Here I shall go through The Players article called "Cat & Mouse". I recommend that you read that page through first, so you will understand the text below.  Click to read the original article "Remember when you were a kid and you were told that you could not have something? That made you want it ten times more badly, didn't it? We will go to great lengths to gain possession of what we can not have, simply because it is a natural human instinct to strive for what is just out of our reach." Well for your information, we have grown up since then. Women (or men for that matter) are not collectable objects nor prizes of a game well played out. Some women may enjoy feeling like a trophy, but personally I refuse to take such a role. If you feel attraction because you assume you can't have me, is that really the right reason to be liking me in the first place? Am I supposed to be flattered that you over-ride all of my wonderful attributes, because first and foremost you see me as an object that should be conqoured? Aarrghh! I want a man to fall head over heels because he thinks I am wonderful, because of how good it feels to be with me. Not because I'm something out of reach! If striving for the impossible is the key to a loving relationship, wouldn't this law pertain to friendships as well? Think about it: when was the last time you played hard to get to win someone's friendship? It just doesn't work that way! Why the hell would you pull away from a person you wish to get close to, share your joys and worries with? Seeing as such intimate bonding is a big part of romantic relationships as well, why should it be any different than forming a close friendship? "Playing "hard to get" is much more important than most people think, and in my personal opinion it is almost necessary to use it on at least some sort of level if you plan on getting and keeping any beautiful women." So are you saying that to win over a beautiful woman you need make her chase you. After you have her, keep her chasing after you so her interest is neverending? Sounds like lots of stress, mistrust and misunderdstandings. That may be your idea of the idyllic long-term relationship, but sounds like utter hell to me. And just in case your woman sticks around anyhow? Keeping yourself just out of reach on a constant basis will most likely result in her becoming paranoid, jealous and clingy. "I say that because just as we want what we can not have, in turn we do not want what we can easily get." Once again, people are not objects, they are human beings. The opposite sex should not be the enemy, but someone you share your dreams with hand in hand, as partners, soulmates. "The only tricky part is being able to stick with it, because it will require you to fight certain urges that can become quite strong. Overcoming these urges is next to impossible for the average man, who is uneducated on this subject and does not know that giving in to these urges is a mistake, because they may "feel" like the right thing to do...." Is it really all that wise or healthy to fight against your natural urges? Most people have the ability to sense the vibes coming from the other person. You should be working with those instincts, not against them. Below, we shall see just how smart it is to be overcoming what comes naturally. "Always appear to be busy, even when you aren't. Lie or fake it if you have to." Do this, and I will think your life is too hectic to fit me in and will lose interest very quickly. If I feel that you are constantly making up excuses not to talk or be with me, I'll simply take that as a hint to bugger off and leave you alone. Which I will do, permanently. Please note that reserving ones own space and time is a completely different matter. "If you pick up the phone when a woman calls you and answer the question "What are you doing?" with "Nothing" then you've just made a huge (but very common) mistake." On the contrary, if you say "nothing" - you are signalling to me that nothing could be more important to you than talking to me that very moment - even if you were in fact in the middle of something - perhaps even something important. I mean geez! When I called, I was already hesitant, worrying whether I might be interrupting something. So by saying "nothing" you are warmly inviting me inside yourself. You will make me smile softly, make me feel warm inside and I'll like you even more. "When you always seem to be busy you are displaying to others that you are an interesting person with an exciting life, the type of life that a woman would like to be involved in." When you always seem busy, you are displaying to me that you must be somehow mentally hollow to have to fill your life up with so many activities. I would assume that you are incapable of ever just stopping to lazy around, lying in my arms on a rainy day. You are definitely not a person I would want to be involved with, for I could never keep up with you, nor would I want to just be one of your many hobbies. "On the other hand, when you never seem to be doing much you will be viewed as a boring person." This would only be true if I never heard about the things you had been up to. So the ultimate way to enchant me is to make me feel that while we are talking together, nothing could be more important. But to also mention what you have been up to lately. "Always make it obvious that you are attracted to her, but never let her know how much you really like her. Even if you are madly in love with her and can't seem to think about anything else, always make her believe that you like her ten times less than you actually do." If you do that, this is what will happen in my head: I, who will probably be just as madly in love with you, but will notice that you don't feel nearly as much for me as I do for you. Two things will happen: Now what a tragic ending considering it started out with two people being madly in love with each other. Oh the happiness they could have had if only they had been open about their feelings. But Mr. Player here thinks a beautiful thing like that should be poisoned and eventually killed off. "Never initiate anything that has to do with a commitment. If you want her to be your girlfriend wait until she brings the subject up. Remember that you've got to control these urges!" You must be kidding me Mr. Player. With all the stereotypical stories of women being the ones who want commitments and men avoiding commitment like the plague, do you really think women in this day and age dare to even whisper the word "commitment" anymore? Dream on. "On that same note... never tell her that you love her before she tells you first" Well the same goes for this stereotype as well doesn't it? Women who are usually the more emotional parties, have learned to keep their mouths shut. We have learned to never ever utter the l-o-v-e word, unless of course he says so first. Then it's "safe". So guys, you may be in for a very long wait. "And when she tells you for the first time don't let her know that the feeling is mutual right away, wait a few days. This is a very important rule, if you mess this up it will be the beginning of the end, which will come rather quickly." By the time those few days have passed, you have probably already lost me. See, for me to actually say out loud "I love you", would not only demand a lot of time and for the relationship to have become quite deep, but also that by then I would be 100% sure you feel the same way. So if you were to be totally unresponsive to this huge step I have taken in being the first one to sacrifice my "security" by saying it out loud, I'd be so devastated by my misjudgement that whilst you were waiting for those tactical days to pass, I'd already have gone through a process of feeling rejected, angry at myself for being so blind, snapping out of my self pity and anger, and finally healing. So by the time you actually got around to telling me you feel the same, I would have already lost my feelings for you. I'd probably just assume you are saying it to keep a hold on me for one reason or another. For the sex, because you need me, or whatever. Anything else other than that you would truly love me. I mean who could trust a guy that has to think a few days before he can say the same thing back? "Never stay on the phone with a girl for more than five minutes. Many men make this mistake thinking that it is a good thing because they are getting to know the woman, but what they are actually doing is showing the woman that they have nothing better to do than sit around chatting. Do that and I will assume that you must think I am extremely boring to talk to. And since I know that I am not, I will come to the conclusion that we just aren't compatable. That there is no connection. That there is no point in continuing if we can't even hold a simple conversation for more than 5 minutes. I will lose interest almost instantly. Besides, why would I fret over your disinterest when I know tons of men who would love to talk with me. Endlessly. "This is exactly what I was talking about earlier... you must appear to be busy ALL of the time, so when her five minutes are up tell her that you have something to do and need to get off of the phone." Well you'd better enjoy those five minutes, because they'd probably be the last ones you'd hear of me. Have fun spending your bits and pieces chopped into 5 minute spans with the next girls. Meanwhile I'll be getting into something much deeper and meaningful than your stupid games. "Do not always accept her invitations to hang out. I like to call this the 50/50 rule because you should only accept about half of the time." Naturally you cannot accept all of my invitations, for I cannot accept all of yours either. Sometimes I will have important matters to attend to, or simply feel like being alone. My children and friends need their own share of my time as well. But when I miss you and the opportunity to meet presents itself, I could think of nothing I'd rather do than see you. I will be assuming the same of you. But if I can sense that you are holding back just to play hard to get, your immaturity will ruin the wonderful picture I have of you very quickly and I'll lose interest. "While the other half you should gently refuse with your excuse being that you have something important to do." Sometimes is understandable. But if 50% of the time I get the feeling that your life is too filled with "important things", I'll realise that your lifestyle is simply too busy for me to keep up with and there are too many things I need to compete with for a moment of your time. I don't believe in changing people, nor nagging and since the last thing I want to do is become a burden on your busy schedule, I will gracefully step away and give you your space. All of it. "Never act as if her behavior bothers you, even if it does." Bad mistake. You see, I would never intentionally do anything to irritate or tease you, for I don't see any logical purpose in such behaviour. So what if I were to do something that bothers you, totally and utterly unaware that it made you feel bad, and would continue doing so repeatedly since I had no idea how it made you feel. I'm then left wondering why I can sense aggrivation underneath that smile of yours and might conjure up wild notions in my head which could lead to even more misunderstandings. If instead, you would have mentioned somehow that my behaviour bothers you, we could have worked out the whole issue and it would have stopped right there, which would have avoided alot of future moments of aggrivation for you, and bewilderments for me. "For example, if she flirts with another guy or if you see her with someone else, act like you could really care less (only if she is not your girlfriend yet, obviously). She is only trying to make you jealous in order to find out how much you really like her, and you are never supposed to let her know that, remember? Plus becoming jealous is a sign of insecurity, which is not a very attractive character trait." For once I actually agree with the above. Well partially atleast. Provoking the person you care about to awaken jealous feelings in them is cruel and destructive to the relationship. I really can't see any productive purpose that such behaviour would serve. Thus, if someone tries to make you jealous, the above reaction is definitely the right way to go. But I disagree with the last part. I think that showing jealousy in the correct way is very sweet and flattering and shows that you don't take that persons love for granted. Like for instance the following situation would be a nice way to be jealous: You and your lady are at the bar, and all the men are gazing at her because she is the hottest thing in the whole place. You excuse yourself to go to the mens room and by the time you return to where she is waiting, the most handsome guy in the bar is trying to hit on her. So you confidently put your arm around her, give a kiss on the cheek and say with a big smile on your face to Mr. Suave: "Isn't she just incredible?". Not only have you shown your girl that you felt a tinge of jealousy which she will think is cute, but also retain that confidence in her eyes by showing everyone that she is yours, and you think she is wonderful, no questions asked. "There are many more techniques that you can throw into the mix when you are playing "hard to get", and most can be found throughout my web site. However, they are not necessary and I suggest that you perfect your usage of the techniques described here first, because these are the most important and effective. And that, as they say, is that." Well Mr.Player, you may be getting a lot of short term flings with your techniques, but I really have to wonder how many long meaningful relationships you have had. Have you ever had the intense joy to be really close emotionally to a woman? Somehow hard to imagine since the way you write makes the woman sound more like the enemy than your soulmate. Nuff said. |
|
       
|
|
Blog Timeline Curriculum Vitae FAQ Ponderings Pictures from 1969 -> 2003 IRC Galleria pics |